Author: Jake Jackson

Recently I had a chat with a couple of patients, and they mentioned that what I said was helpful. So, I thought I’d share these thoughts in a general forum, such as this one.

1. Consider first your true beliefs and where your faith rests. The first part of this relates to thinking about an outcome. The context I had brought this up in was with children. The basic point is a simple one. When you look at a situation, for example, a concern about a child’s mental development, what YOU really think, believe and perhaps fear is going to happen is important in the outcome. Looking at this in a brutally honest way, you risk inadvertently transferring those truest beliefs of yours onto your child, such that the outcome you really feared, happens. For example, if you often enough repeated to a teenager, “Carry on like that and you’ll be in jail by the time you’re 18.” You know what’s going to happen – they’ll be in jail by their 18th birthday. And as much as it’s the repeating mention of it, if you really mean it, and feel it, you’ll somehow be complicit in making it happen. Whatever your true, honest belief is, wherever you put your faith, you steer life in that direction. Be totally true about your own beliefs and where your faith lies, before trying to affect anything outside of yourself.

Coming back to the point of children, they need to feel your honest belief and faith in them. That guides them. There’s an aspect of unconditional love that comes through when children know you really do believe and have faith in them as a person. No strings attached. That you believe they’re a good person, and that ultimately they’ll shine. If you don’t really believe that about your own child, whatever your alternative belief is, you’ll aid and abet it.

This same concept of questioning your true belief and where your faith truly lies can be equally used for the goals you set in your life. You need to be brutally honest with yourself about these things and interrogate what you really think, before your ever start acting. Lest you’ll repeatedly gravitate in an unintended direction and never quite understand why. Mindset is everything when it comes to achieving a goal.

2. Personal development needs to ultimately be outward-focused and selfless. The endpoint of any personal development needs to be outward focusing, or else you’re stuck in a never-ending painful loop. The point being, to focus on yourself your whole life, could actually become a mental prison. Imagine walking into a party, or being in a meeting at work, and instead of being able to focus on, and indeed enjoy, the people around you, your focus gets solely occupied on yourself. How you are interacting, functioning, performing and feeling. It’s very daunting and creates a pressure cooker effect. The best outcome from personal development is the construction of a mental state that allows you to in fact forget yourself in the company of others, surrounded by life.

As I walk around, I understand that there are both inanimate objects (perhaps that were once alive) and there are living things that are changing, evolving, reproducing, and dying. Whatever I interact with, I want to enjoy. And to do that, I’ve learnt to put myself aside. That’s why often it’s said that immersing yourself in nature is good for mental health. The question is why? How? I would say that immersing yourself in nature, takes you down the same path of actually surrendering yourself to the things around you, and in the process, forgetting yourself. Finding yourself, by losing yourself.

To sum up the above, the eventual outcome of counselling and any form of personal development needs to be held firmly as a selfless pursuit. By all means, learn all these things about yourself, so that you may, in fact, be released from yourself, to forget yourself, to take yourself for granted and be able to enjoy the company of others and be there for the service of others. To learn about them and to empathise with them. This may sound counterintuitive, but it’s a privilege and sheer pleasure to forget yourself in the company of others. In doing so, enjoy the life brimming around you, and feel a oneness with that life.

I’m not sure if I’ve expressed my thoughts in writing as well as I may have in speaking, face to face, one on one. Nevertheless, I hope there’s still something there that will help your day.

It’s still relatively early in the year, and some of us may be clinging to keeping up with a New Year’s resolution or two. I know I am!

One thing I’ve started doing this month though is walking. I usually walk for at least one hour a day. I must say, I owe the positive influence of my colleague Brett for this. One of his lifestyle routines that has rubbed off on me is his insatiable appetite for walking. I didn’t quite get it at first. Why isn’t he in the gym? Why isn’t he running? How boring. But no, I’m a convert.

The effects of my hourly walk have been astounding. To my mental health, my physical health and to my understanding of the suburbs around me. Nooks and crannies, a laneway here, a tree there. I’ve been awakened to the streets and I don’t know if I could ever turn back.

I walk pretty fast and often listen to an audiobook. Sometimes I break into a light jog. I try to walk in the morning and if I can’t do at least an hour, I go for a second brief walk when I come home.

Now I must admit, I’ve essentially got a desk job, so my day in between is very sedentary indeed. I don’t know if I’d be so keen to walk like this if my job was more manual and physically energetic. Nevertheless, my experience with becoming a regular walker has been lifechanging.

Such a simple thing, but so beneficial as a regular thing to do every day. And heck, the weather is perfect for it, at least in Melbourne at the moment. It feels very “gentle” on the body as well. Apart from walking into part of a brick fence, I can’t report any injuries!

If you can’t walk outside, for whatever reason, perhaps a treadmill at home would be something to consider. Whatever your situation, if you are at all able to walk, then I’d say have a go. Once again, it’s a simple thing. But as they say, the simple things in life are often the best, and in my experience at least, that’s been true for walking.

Like many a morning recently, last Saturday I started my day jogging, delivering brochures and listening to an audiobook, all at once. I’ve found this to be quite the winning combination. But I had to get home quickly because we were due to go to the Australian Open. Running late, when I got home, I forgot to rehydrate. Within 10 minutes, I was jumping in the car and off to the station to catch the train into Richmond.

The Australian Open – was PACKED. Later I heard it described as the biggest crowd on record, and it felt that way and some. Fortunately, we played a straight bat and headed well ahead of start time directly to Kia Arena to watch the Tsitsipas brothers play doubles. Stefanos and Petros. That’s who we were going for anyway. They got up here and there, valiant throughout, Tsitsipas, Tsitsipas. But in the end, three sets later, it wasn’t to be.

But this story ain’t about the tennis at all. It’s about how I got one of the biggest headaches I’ve ever had in my life, just between my eyes and as I sat in the sun, then shade, looking at the brothers, my head pounded as I controlled my mounting feeling of nausea. I tried massaging my face, forehead, between my eyes. It helped for a fleeting moment and then promptly back it came – a sledgehammer banging on my face, seemingly smashing my brain to a pulp.

The match ended; we headed out to get something to eat. Wherever had the shortest queue was on the menu. Butter chicken and curried chips – done. Nowhere to sit, fine, let’s head to the grass. I had a few chips, drunk as much water as I could wishfully, remorsefully, in vain. Then found myself rolling on the grass trying to find some position, some gravity that would help me. Needless to say, I didn’t feel like eating at all which is really not me. I love my food!

Damn what is this? Dehydration? Sinus congestion? A migraine? Just go away!

Reluctantly, I threw in my tennis towel, “I gotta go home” I said. And so, my youngest daughter, Liv, nice as she is, said “I’ll come with you Dad”. I said my quick farewell to the rest of the brood and via a bee line checked out. We took our time walking back to Richmond station and when we finally boarded the train, the only reprieve I could muster was to lay my head on my daughter’s and try my best to fall asleep. Which, as a blessing, I did. Liv, I hope I didn’t drool. Sorry if I did.

Soon enough it was time to alight. I don’t think I’ve ever walked so slowly. I had to ask her to slow down for me several times. She did, and held my hand. I got to the car, drove home, slammed down a couple of Panadols, closed the blinds and went to bed. Forever. When the rest of the family got home, they checked on me to make sure I hadn’t had a stroke. Thankfully not.

Now, I’m not someone to get sick, rather, allow myself to get sick. As many a business owner would tell you, you can’t. And it works out like that. But last weekend, I was sick. Very sick, and I couldn’t seem to do any damned thing to make it go away. Except, finally, going to bed.

I went to a funeral recently, a colleague of mine. She was my age. May she rest in peace. It hit home hard to me that sometimes, you just get dealt a bad hand with health. And it sucks real bad. And sometimes, as they say, death takes lambs as well as sheep. Sure, we talk about preventative health, and I believe in that as much I believe in anything, heck I’ve dedicated much of my life to spreading that very message. But the flip side of that when it comes to health is luck, and sometimes it can be bad.

So, spare a thought for all of those people out there right now, who’ve gotten a bad hand. Who often make the best of things, and try their best to go about their business, but it can be tough.

At the end of the day, I don’t want to be condescending here, I just had a very bad headache, one. I know patients who tell they have migraines most days. How that must be, I can’t even quite imagine. Who holds their hand? Everyday.

Stop, and think of all those people out there who have been dealt a bad hand with health. And if you meet them, help them. Slow down. Hold their hand. You just never know when you’ll need someone to do the same for you.

Tread lightly.