(Pictured Above: Atticus Doctors Clement Lau and Hamed Zinsaz mastering the art of conversation)
With the rise of technologically driven solutions, including social media, conversing face to face continues to become something of a lost art. It has been further thwarted by the necessary requirement for face masks and other forms of social distancing.
In this article therefore, I suggest two fundamental ways of making a conversation interesting – to keep the conversation alive.
Firstly, focus, stay in the moment. Putting aside any religious or other transcendental notion, staying in the moment is perhaps the most quintessential way of becoming practically spiritual. The idea has been popularised in recent years, including widespread practices such as mindfulness, which hinge on the moment. In part, our express focus on staying in the moment is a position of defence, defending our focus on the moment against all the distractions and other pirates who seek to seize our precious attention as their bounty. In other words, in present times, if you can stay in the moment, you’re actually defying gravity.
Staying focused in the moment, surely enriches a conversation. You glean the nuances of the speaker, even with their face mask on. You’re much more likely to see and hear the forest and the trees as they speak.
Secondly, be yourself. It’s odd, in so many conversations, either party feels obligated to “say the right thing”, but it’s simply not as interesting or memorable. Rather, being transparent and being yourself, makes a conversation much more meaningful. Once again, this idea has been coined as being “authentic” and indeed, it’s more therapeutic for everyone. I sometimes get the picture that the only time some people get to “be themselves” and “tell it like it is” is when they’re with their psychologist. This is a bit sad. If we can spend an entire month having conversations where we felt able to express ourselves openly and honestly, that month would feel lighter, fuller and richer all at once. There is a warning – expressing “yourself” means you need to know yourself in the first place. For people used to being told what to do their whole lives, you may take a moment to consider “What do I think?” more often. In this sense, being yourself does require you to have a certain degree of self-esteem. This is worth striving for and cultivating.
So, there you have it, stay in the moment, and at any one time, simply be yourself. These are the types of conversations you’ll enjoy having and whoever you’re conversing with, will enjoy being a part of it. A strange but worthwhile insight here is that I’m writing to you, presumably, as an adult to adult. Yet children don’t have to learn to do such a thing. They do it spontaneously. Children naturally focus on the moment (provided they’re not handed an iPad!) and are themselves. They gravitate to situations and people that yield the same. They long to engage fully and they only know how to be authentic. In this way, they’re great role models and as much as we sometimes see them as hard work, maybe we’re really as much hard work sometimes for them too!
Dr Floyd Gomes.
